i dont pump with chicks like that

hello again, its jasmine.. just wanted to leave you with a few more choice words of wisdom. since my last contribution was aimed at the fellas, this lesson will be for the ladies. as always, don't take it personal, unless you're offended- in that case, i'm probably talking to you. and one more thing... i would like to thank my sponsor- " A Dangerfield Manifesto" coming soon to a bookstore near you.

so you don't get along with other chicks, right?


BULLSHIT!

i'm here to bring you the truth.. the truth is other chicks don't like YOU. just accept it.
now i know that's kinda hard to pallet for some, but let me explain a little further. have a seat, this may take a minute...

lets start with terminology:
-girls: young in mind, physical age or both. girls worry about what others do, how it affects them, why it affects them, etc. nothing wrong with being a girl- but accept that shit and if you want it to change, then do something
chicks: my general term- doesn't mean girls or women... just the easy way to not say one or the other
women: these are the grown members of the gender... not particularly worried about what you do, because they have more focus on what they are doing. may be young or old- but either way they are on that grown stuff, not the pettiness. by grown, yes i mean mature.. you'll see 60 y/o ladies in church hats talkin shit like they are better than somebody... grown- of course, mature- nope, they are in their second childhood (or sadly, some never grew out of the first one)

"i don't chill with females like that" is a CLASSIC PHRASE. there are 2 reasons to use it:
1- you're too young to realize that if you want grown female friends, you have to be grown and seek out others like you;
2- you are a fake bitch and grown woman around you don't participate with you, so you hate on them.
anyone who says that and is over the age of 21 falls into the second category.

now.. on to the topic at hand- the truth about why you don't get along with other chicks. now pay attention: its not them- its you. now i'm not for one moment trying to say that they don't have their own issues... but lets be real- what in the HELL does that got to do with YOU and how you live your life?
lets all stand and repeat the classic phrase (yes, stand up now) "WHAT YOU EAT DON'T MAKE ME SHIT".
its true- i promise you. the color of that chicks hair, while amusing, possibly unprofessional or *gasp* better than yours has nothing, i say NOTHING to do with you or anything associated with you- unless you want to do it to. in that case, compliment the chick, call your stylist, and keep it moving.
females kill me with this talking 'shit issue' many of us seem to have. yeah, we all laugh and joke at times, but if you can spend an hour (shit, more than 10 minutes) and the only thing you have to say is negative shit about other people, then you, my dear,sweet GIRL need a damn life. nothing to talk about? then carry your ass to the museum, a show, go on vacation, read a book, watch the discovery channel, CNN, volunteer, donate blood, get a dog, read your kid a book- something, ANYTHING. because you are a boring ass person.

now i will admit, that horrid mess has come out of my mouth... and at the time, i was still young, impressionable and thought that all women acted like chicken heads, backstabbers, gossipers, etc... so i didn't want to be around that. little did i know the reason that is all i saw was because i chose to surround myself with people that weren't about shit. as i got older, i realize that yes, some people are just like that and its my choice to have only real, live, on they grown woman shit, bitches around me.
do we talk everyday? no.. we get our hustle on. who has time to gossip on the phone ALL day?
do we hate on each other? no.. we know we all fly and we will tell (out of love) each other if someone isn't stepping right or if there are a dumb ass move about to be made.
do we talk about decisions someone makes/ is about to make behind their back? nope, you get an opinion the first time its brought up, from that point on, the decision and the aftermath is on you (tho, we will be there for each other if there is a fallout). gossip on the back end does nothing but take up time that could be used on real grown women stuff
that's what REAL friends (male or female) do. you get what you give people!

now there are a few exceptions to this rule....
-you find a bitch in your bed with your man.. then by all means.. beat her (and his) ass.. do it quickly before the cops get called and regain your composure before they get there. you're a lady lets remember and ladies win in court. get it together.
-you get the ever popular 'teeth suckin' or 'she think she cute' BS- that you hear directly. in that case, you can break formation MOMENTARILY with ONE snide remark if its really that serious. my favorite is to reply with "is this your shirt?". (you'll get it in a minute. if you don't, refer to the definition of a girl) .a remark you have to think about is a pretty safe bet that a girl will need a minute to regroup, allowing you to K.I.M. and i do mean K.I.M.- do you really have time to sit there and argue? if you do... then see the advice i gave the girls- you need a reminder. if you hear it on the back end- guess what? you are that much of the shit fora girl to feel like her time is better spent on you instead of herself and consider yourself lucky

so, in short, anyone that says "i don't pump with bitches, they are fake" is really telling you "real bitches don't pump with me because i'm not grown yet"
please, for all of our sakes, be a real bitch on your grown woman shit


enjoy life ladies!! and don't forget:" A Dangerfield Manifesto" coming soon to a bookstore near you.