you have no game

let me first introduce myself- this is jasmine, your friendly neighborhood jane of all trades. i'm here to tell you wants really up and may stop in from time to time to hold class. no,i dont have a teaching degree, but the nuggets left here cant be taught in the best of best universities, so pay attention ...I would also like to thank my Sponsor " A Dangerfield Manifesto" coming soon to a bookstore near you.


sweeties, let me talk to you for a minute... there's a reason you are forever chasing and getting no where. quite simply, YOU HAVE NO GAME. yes, just like Craigs mama said- you have no game. so sit back, open your ears and let me help you. see there are rules, no commandments- in other words, if/ when you break them, you are fucked ( or not fucked, as this situations may be) in the interest of the short attention spans, i've cut the standard 10 down to 6 (no particular order), now pay attention!

1. so you bought me a drink (dinner, a move, a show, etc)? ok, great, thanks i appreciate it..but that is not game. that doesnt mean that you get to stalk me to the bathroom, the dancefloor, my car, ihop for breakfast or anywhere else for that matter. it doesnt entitle you to head on the dancefloor, invite you to touch me in anyway or any other such variation of the sort. you want all that, buy the chickenhead thats ass up, face down on the dance floor a drink- better yet, save your $7- she cant drink and cumguzzle simulataniously anyway.

2. apperance. check this out- a woman doesnt care if Denzel himself steps out the tv in his boxers a la Ricochet. brush your damn teeth! especially them gold joints (not for me, but some chicks like them) hot, stank breath and layers of yellowed tarter film on your joints is NOT whats hot in the streets. dirt under your fingernails in the midst of you trying to touch the na na- HELL NO (see research- thats one cause of that fishy smell y'all love to complain about) that 17XL white tee that would qualify as a floor length gown on me is not fashion. that salty tartness radiating from your nuts may get some women hyper SOMETIMES, but wearing it to work or the club is not at all attractive. in order to say you have any inkling of game, you dont have to be gq all the time, but you must have some decent sense in personal style and hygiene. (or at least be willing to shut the hell up, give me your credit card and let me play dress up on you until you can pretend that you actually put in the work to make yourself presentable)

3. hook yourself up. dont ask a friend of a friend of a friend, etc to do your legwork for you. what are we? 10? damn, cant even get a 'check yes or no box' note anymore. not my job to talk you up, get the scoop on if someone likes you or put in a good word. if you missed your chance -shame on you for not capitalizing when you had a chance. now get resourceful and find what it is you want or shut up and move on. we outnumber you anyway.

4. multiple women. the worst thing any man that claims he has game can do is get his women confused or let them cross paths (unless you are super G and they all know about eachother and dont care/wont cause drama- BUT trust me, you're not that G) now i'm not condoning this behavior, but damn it if thats what it is, then remember the bitches names, where you were what night and what event you went to with which chick. if you have to take notes to do this, you arent qualified to play this game because one of them will always find the cheat sheet and then they ALL know because the 'stop snitching' movement does not apply to sharing dick. oh- and WRAP IT UP. trust if you creeping, she may not know for sure, but her gut is telling her to throw those bcbg's in the air for someone else (and she IS doing so)

5. pussy- yeah thats mine, not yours. unless you are doing what you got to do to get your named stamped on it (or in some of your cases, penciled in). we dont owe you pussy, you arent entilited to it because you managed to leak out some indecipherable string of syllables that you thought was a compliment . FINESSE men, FINESSE! think goldie in the mack- NO, you are not goldie- and i'm not suggesting that you view yourself as a pimp or women as pros- but at least that nigga put the time in to get what he wanted. we know you are full of shit- but at least make it sound good. remember, we choose you- not the other way around, no matter how good your game is.

6. research. lets be clear- 7/10 times cosmo, elle, redbook and the like are full of shit. 9/10 times your homies are too. you need to sit down with your sister, mother, auntie....basically any woman you trust and get the real deal. yes, i can throw a leg or 2 behind my head if you're hooking it up right, but i'm not an acrobat on command. yes, your limp dick dance while you stand on the bed is cute and funny sometimes, buts not something you should do too soon or often. yes, i like getting flowers- but dead limp flowers from the club @ 2am will not get you head. yes, foreplay is great- but lil mama down there is senstive and you should get rid of those hangnails and get the dirt out from under them. yes, we are independent, but some of us still know how to take care of a man AND handle business without breaking a sweat and expect that you still know what chivelry is and how to take care of a woman.

now this is not to say you cant do all of this and still have some poor woman appreciate and reciprocate. but do you really want that woman? what i am saying that there is a certian level of finesse involved that some dont seem to understand. and of course, you can do all of this and get a chickenhead- but refer to #4- you REALLY want that? nope nope nope

And once again I would like to thank my sponsor " A Dangerfield Manifesto" coming soon a to a bookstore near you.